On round numbers…

Today I turn 50.

I find that hard to believe. Age, like a wilderness trail, unfolds slowly, its length only visible after it’s been traversed and only then from certain vantage points.

For the record, this is no nostalgic reflection on those five decades. The world—my professional life, my country, and the systems that should care for the people around me—are in turmoil. Celebrating a round number won’t change that.

Love, it would seem, is languishing in the shadow of our perpetual need to be right, to be centered, to be a winner. And beauty? That’s a commodity bought and sold in injections, pills, and payment plans.

This, sounds bitter. I assure you; I am not. This world, however, tastes that way at the moment.

And yet, it is exactly that bitterness on my tongue that makes the love I am surrounded by so beautiful.

My lights.

My wife told me she feels blessed to wake up next to me each morning before I left for work. My children chose to spend the whole day with me yesterday to celebrate. Students have dropped off notes and a cake. Family and friends have sent their regards. My mom told me I’m “getting up there.” I’ve received a couple of cards with enough money to get a set up for my acoustic guitar. Later this week, the band I still can’t believe I play with will get together for our regular session. I live close enough to the beach I’ll be able to touch the water this week. 

All good gifts, as the old song goes. And isn’t that life. Much to celebrate. Much to mourn. Balance to find. Hope to nurture. Love to give.

Our current reality has me pondering hoarding on an almost daily basis. People trade money for love, power for compassion, sanctimony for dignity. And that’s if they’ll even admit their forms of “self-care” are solipsism.

In this, I know–deeply—that I am truly blessed. I am not rich. I am not powerful. I am not what this consumerist world defines as successful. But I am loved, and that’s a light against the darkness I see around me; a light I hope I reflect to others.

God knows we need light on this road we’re walking.